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But just the wife getting educated is usually more than enough. The conclusions you have reached that your husband is somehow different than other men and therefore you have to adapt to his peculiarities do not line up with anything that I ever encountered. But it sounds to me like it would be like living with a flat tire by holding the steering wheel harder to the left or right to compensate for it being a drag instead of just changing the tire. Your husband may have some “broken” aspects psychologically but what you are thining worked already didn’t, and I doubt it will. Nor will trying to get him to ‘fix’ himself.
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I would reveal and he would attack me at the core of who I am, so I started hiding more. He acted out because he said he couldn’t trust me and continued a text “friendship” with a stranger he met at a bar for months. The same cycle has continued, and now over a year later he is on dating websites as a single man, talking to other women. I’m willing to let it all go and hold nothing he’s done against him, if he can do the same for me. If he is not willing to make an effort to repair the damage we both did without continuing to do things that he knows hurts me, then how can I be all in and trying to repair the damage I’ve done?
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I also don’t think it is healthy to pretend it’s not a problem. I try very hard to be open and if there is anything he feels is not being met in our marriage, he is free to express it. I know that it takes more than being kind and plenty of sex because we as people change and our needs can change as well. Paul, I have been reading all the sad stories women have written and it makes me ask why?
Asking about them only helps to keep the clock ticking or satisfy their “curiosity”; they are people too. Don’t go running to your girlfriends, mother, or sisters. We have seen situations where once “the confidant” became aware that there were marriage problems, she moved in now that she knew the husband was “available” to extra-marital activities.